Yes, I read the tie-in book for everyone’s favourite Star Wars midquel multimedia project, Shadows of the Empire. It is a masterpiece of prose, as soon you will learn:
- [Guri] had long and silky blond hair, pale and clear blue eyes, an exquisite figure. Normal human males would find her attractive.
- [Prince Xizor] also exuded natural pheromones that made most of the human-stock species feel instantly attracted to him
- “Chewie owes Han a life debt. That’s a big deal among Wookies.”
- Males. Didn’t seem to matter what species they were when they wanted female company. And it didn’t seem to matter what species the female was, either.
- “This… person has dishonoured the title of Vigo”
- Leia liked Chewie okay, but here was another reason to find and free Han – so he could call the Wookie off.
- Somehow, Ben had known Luke would find this book. Somehow, he had prepared it so that only he could open it safely. Amazing.
- “You see, to contend with Xizor is to lose.”
- [Leia] saw a small blast furnace set up on a table. Was Luke making some kind of jewelry?
- The Emperor was capricious. He had been known to have whole cities destroyed because a local official defied him. He’d once had a wealthy and influential family banished from the core systems because one of the sons had plowed a ship into one of the Emperor’s favorite buildings, damaging it
- Darth Vader sat naked inside his hyperbaric medical chamber.
- The dark side was addictive, more potent than any drug.
- “Hey, Wedge! How’s it going, buddy?” “So-so. Another day, another credit—before taxes, of course.”
- Xizor was tempted to hire a dozen assassins, not tell them who their target was, and loose them on Vader.
- He set his jaw. Uh-oh. She’d insulted his manhood. She knew that look.
- “Clean up the mess,” Vader said.
- Use the Force, Luke. Luke grinned. The first time he’d heard that, during the attack on the Death Star, he hadn’t understood. He knew what it meant now.
- Because of [Xizor’s] hormonal makeup, his ability to produce overwhelmingly powerful pheromones, he never had any trouble attracting new companions. But because it was so easy, he quickly tired of them, no matter how beautiful, no matter how clever.
- Lando shrugged. “[Dash Rendar] doesn’t want to owe anybody, doesn’t want anybody to owe him. He works for whoever pays the most. He’s downright magic with anything that flies, and he can pick wing nuts off a tabletop with a blaster without scorching the finish. He’s a good man to have at your back when the going gets hot—as long as your money lasts.”
- “Chewbacca says that Master Dash must be part bird.”
- Xizor knew that exercise was necessary, was essential for optimum health — and it helped keep underlings in line if they knew you were physically powerful.
- Xizor never used a wrist slap when a hammer fist was called for.
- Artoo said something that was probably derogatory. “Yeah, well, you just remember that next time you need a lube.”
- The Emperor did like to crack the whip now and again, to show that he still held it and was not averse to using it.
- Probably eating a fine meal or spending money on expensive entertainment. Females did love such things.
- A Jedi Knight wouldn’t just sit around when there was vital Alliance business in the works, would he? No. He wouldn’t.
- This was one of those times, and as usual, it was a double-edged blade. Swung with care, it would cut both ways. Just as it was supposed to cut.
- Sitting behind a desk in front of a clear wall of transparisteel was the Bothan who’d sent the message to Leia. Well, at least Luke thought it was the same one. They all looked pretty much alike to him.
- Well, why not? No rule said a woman couldn’t be a criminal.
- “Don’t start again, you two.” “Very” or not, few things made a Wookiee nervous. Certainly not normal women. Something to consider.
- When she was gone, Xizor considered what she had said, then dismissed it. He walked the cold road, and his passion was always safely leashed until he let it free.
- “Bring one of my dueling droids,” Vader said to the air. “No. Bring two of them.”
- “Not me! I don’t miss. I should have clipped that missile! Bothans died because I missed, you understand?”
- He leaned back in his chair and steepled his fingers. Sometimes it was almost disappointing how easily he accomplished his ends.
- The Emperor sat in his favorite throne, the one set a meter higher than the rest of the room.
- “Rise, Lord Vader.” Vader did so. He hoped whatever the Emperor wanted was something easy and brief.
- “Yes, we have had our share of adventures, as well. I must say I don’t like all this business the least bit. Couldn’t we find a nice quiet planet and take a vacation? Someplace warm, with a deep pool of lube?” Luke grinned.
- Falleen pheromones were more potent than the strongest spice. Leia might want to resist him with her mind, but her body would ache for him. There was no antidote save one.
- Vader said nothing. Solo’s ship, the Millennium Falcon, no doubt, now under Luke’s control. Perhaps he had the young princess with him and that traitorous gambler Calrissian.
- There was an old Sithian proverb that said, “Even when fighting the great sabercat, it is best not to turn your back upon the lowly serpent.”
- And [Xixor] wasn’t wearing a bodysuit under it. He was big under the thin cloth, hard and muscular, and if there were any visible anatomical differences between him and basic stock humans, she couldn’t see them.
- Vader ground his teeth.
- [Leia’s] body wanted one thing, but she was a civilized woman and her mind was what controlled her, not her hormones.
- Ah, people would say, how devious the Dark Prince is. Beware! Beware, indeed.
- The Luke-size lieutenant frowned as he entered the stall, Luke right behind him.
- Luke ordered the man to strip,
- “I anticipate that I shall return in three weeks,” the Emperor told him. “I trust you can keep the planet from falling apart while I am gone?”
- Dash Rendar! Oh, man. Here he was saving Luke again. Luke hated this.
- By itself a grain of sand was nothing, but with enough grains, one could cover a city. It would not do to tip his hand too early. As of now, he had enough sand to begin. A bit more and he’d be able to bury Xizor … He must be removed, once and for all, and the day was coming when it would happen. Soon. It would be soon.
- Xizor could sit alone in a room for days staring at a wall and be as busy mentally as most men working a complex and demanding job.
- [Xizor] would wait as long as necessary to taste Leia, and when he had done so, he would be satisfied and finished with her.
- “I will be the judge of what is too dangerous,” he said. “And since we know it is Skywalker, this is where it ends. I will dispatch him personally!” [Xizor] would not be embarrassed in his own castle.
and finally:
Moonglow was found only on a single satellite world, in a small section of one forest; it grew naturally nowhere else in the galaxy; in fact, it could not be grown anywhere else. Many had tried to transplant the funguslike tree, and all had failed. About the size of a man’s fist, the fruit contained in its natural state one of the most potent biological poisons known. A single unaltered slice divided into a thousand tiny pieces would be enough, if consumed, to kill a thousand people and to do it in less than a minute. There was no known antidote, but there was a way to neutralize the poison before eating the fruit. Such preparation of moonglow legally required a chef who had studied the technique for a minimum of two years under a certified Master Moonglow Chef, and the process itself consisted of some ninety-seven steps. Should any of the steps be omitted or performed incorrectly, the resulting dish might cause anything from a mild stomach upset to a painful, thrashing, hallucinatory coma, followed by death. If a would-be diner went into a restaurant that had the proper licenses to offer the dish, the price of a single serving of moonglow would be somewhere around a thousand credits. Xizor generally ate it three or four times a month and had the most respected moonglow chef in the galaxy on his payroll. Even so, a small thrill always arose when he consumed the fruit. Always the possibility, however slight, of an error.