Category: Article

  • Scene #18: Somehow, Palpatine returned

    Scene #18: Somehow, Palpatine returned

    Part 18 of 43 Individual Scenes from ‘Rise of Skywalker’

    The first problem is that it’s all backwards, and in such a way that not even the randomiser can save it. In any order, this is backwards. It should go like this: the opening crawl states that dark rumours suggest evil is brewing somewhere far afield. The New Republic has reports that Palpatine has returned. They refuse to believe them, wanting to focus on the very real threat from the First Order instead. This is a breaking point with Leia’s Oscar Isaac’s Resistance, who want to pursue the lead however outlandish because it came from their good friend Boolio who lost his life delivering it. Meanwhile, Kylo Ren is on a quest of his own seeking out Vader’s something-or-other. Instead he finds – shock reveal – Palpatine lives! As we, the audience, find out so too do the Resistance, hearing Palpatine’s message to the galaxy broadcast across the stars and discovering that he’s throwing his weight behind the First Order. Now he’s everyone’s problem!

    Let me be clear that I’m not proposing this as a better version of the film. It’s heavily clichéd and it doesn’t really change the content of the scenes, only the plot dressing. It’s a pretty boring bit of A to B writing. I’m only putting it out to contrast with what did happen, which is totally bonkers: the big Palpatine reveal happens six calendar days before the movie is released, during a tie-in Fortnite event. He gives his message to the galaxy then and there. The opening crawl of the movie then reminds us of this, followed by a whirlwind sequence where Kylo Ren has set out to kill him but on contact they immediately form an alliance. Finally the Resistance risk life and limb to hear from their spy Boolio (an avid Fortnite player) who can tell them… exactly what we already know. That’s how the protagonists find out, at a minimum six days later than the viewer, that somehow Palpatine returned.

    Thats what makes this such a weird, uncanny scene. It would be one thing for it to be a boring bit of functional work connecting the Boolio sequence to the trip to the sand planet, the movie is full of those and they’re all much of a muchness. It’s that nothing in the film suggests that Palpatine’s return is an unknown quantity – everyone knows about it! Kylo knows, Richard E. Grant knows, Luke knows, the Knights of Ren know. And everyone in the Resistance kind of seems to know too. Oscar Isaac’s resigned sigh of the title line is well known, but just as odd is Merry Brandybuck’s rattled-off follow up: “Dark science, cloning, secrets only the Sith knew.” Aside from sounding like it’s the notes for writing the dialogue rather than the intended dialogue itself, it makes Palpatines’s return sound so inevitable that it cannot have been a surprise. And it wasn’t.

    You have to wonder when this sequence was shot, and maybe specifically how the Fortnite event played into it – because multimedia events being what they are, there was always the possibility that the Fortnite event fell through and no-one got to see the message to the universe. Maybe they would have crudely prepended it to the movie as a cold open, or maybe they would have just thrown it on YouTube. Until someone writes a tell-all book, it’s difficult to speculate.

    Taken straight, what does this tell us about the Resistance: that they’re the last to know. That their enemies are streets ahead of them, their allies don’t care to keep them informed, and they’re constantly resigned to the worst outcome however outlandish. It’s not got much of that hope they’re always going on about. Everyone sounds so tired. It’s much easier in fact to imagine that this is the result of a gruelling shooting schedule than it is to think that the scene was meant to come out like this, and even though this cast are often paddling upstream with these exposition scenes not all of them come out like this.

    Either way, it’s not surprising that this is widely considered to be the nadir of the film. It’s just surprising that this happened at all.

    Next: BB-8 crushed by a tree.

  • Scene #17: Exeunt Sheev

    Scene #17: Exeunt Sheev

    Part 17 of 43 Individual Scenes from ‘Rise of Skywalker’

    “This weapon is your life!”

    Obi-wan Kenobi (Attack of the Clones)

    “This is the weapon of a Jedi Knight. Not as clumsy or random as a blaster; an elegant weapon for a more civilized age.”

    Obi-wan Kenobi (A New Hope)

    “Strike me down and I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine”

    Obi-wan Kenobi (A New Hope)

    “Take your Jedi weapon. Use it. I am unarmed. Strike me down with it. Give in to your anger. With each passing moment you make yourself more my servant.”

    Sheev Palpatine (Return of the Jedi)

    “I am a Jedi, like my father before me.”

    Luke Skywalker (Return of the Jedi)

    “A Jedi’s weapon deserves more respect.”

    Luke Skywalker (Rise of Skywalker)

    “You want to kill me. That is what I want. Kill me, and my spirit will pass into you. As all the Sith live in me you will be Empress. We will be one.”

    Sheev Palpatine (Rise of Skywalker)

    “The ritual begins! She will strike me down and pledge herself as a Sith! She will draw her weapon, she will come to me, she will take her revenge… and with a stroke of her saber the Sith are reborn! The Jedi are dead!”

    Sheev Palpatine (Rise of Skywalker)

    Sadly Old Sheev never considered – what if two lightsabers?

    It feels like a churlish complaint given how utterly shameless the film is about this, but it’s impossible to escape from: Palpatine wants Rey to strike him down (just like Luke didn’t.) After some to-ing and fro-ing and a big column of lightning, ultimately: she does. Does that mean he won? There’s not even the hint of a notion here to suggest why this method of exploding the old man is preferable to any other. Rey just cracks out second lightsaber and lets him have it.

    Aside from absolutely anything else, this feels like a chronically insubstantial way to see off a villain who not only started the film by having escaped his certain fate from Return of the Jedi but also just described how doing this will mean he wins. Palpatine’s second return isn’t so much an option as a necessity. Hunting down the Emperor’s clones must be the entire purpose of the New Republic once they find out what happened here. Begun, the clone wars have!


    Felt a bit sad at the obliteration of the hooded Sith masses, given we never saw them do anything more than chant and operate the big machine that makes Snokes. Give me their story! Anyway, after the wax chancellor has been melted down in a VFX extravaganza we get the contemporaneous destruction of the Sith fleet, and shed a tear for Richard E. Grant who never saw or spoke to a single member of the Resistance prior to being blown out of his front window by them. Also, Lando’s here! And Kylo Ren emerges wordlessly from a pit.

    Lando count: 6

    Next: Somehow, Palpatine returned.

  • Scene #16: A close-up of computer generated monkey teeth

    Scene #16: A close-up of computer generated monkey teeth

    Part 16 of 43 Individual Scenes from ‘Rise of Skywalker’

    Kylo Ren has his helmet fixed
    Those are the Knights of Ren
    There’s a spy among the First Order
    No honour in this villain’s den.

    Lord Vader had a big black hat
    It helped to fix his voice
    Kylo Ren just sounds like that
    It must be a conscious choice.

    In the first two films we all found out
    Luke failed to found a school
    Disavowed by all, a lonely man
    Because he lost his cool.

    So Kylo went to old man Snoke,
    Who promised him fame and glory
    Together they ran the First Order
    But that’s a different story.

    This time Kylo’s just Vader
    His flaws are a perfect fit
    And that’s why he’s got his helmet back
    Even though it looks quite bad on screen.

    The subtitles say that Stormtrooper is calling the Knights of Ren ‘Ghouls’ but I’m pretty sure he’s saying ‘Goals’. Normally I would have much affection for the First Order officer who says an unprompted “I like it” but it’s all a bit self-aware. Not buying it. And commiserations to Commander Not-sure-about-this-one-sir who ends up the victim of this turbo-charged version of Vader’s Death Star conference. RIP, I thought you were making a good point. Bonus points awarded for throwing the head of a totally unknown-to-me character onto a table as a way of starting a meeting. Hello Boolio!

    ♞ Knights of Ren status: 🐵 Ape-reciative

    Next: Exeunt Sheev.

  • Scene #15: “Dad?” “I know.”

    Scene #15: “Dad?” “I know.”

    Part 15 of 43 Individual Scenes from ‘Rise of Skywalker’

    I made the randomiser using a list of scene timings extracted from the Blu-ray edition of The Rise of Skywalker, but I don’t know how accurate they are or if I’m matching them to the video file correctly. It’s been a long time since I used scene selection on a physical player, so it’s unclear to me how exact to scene transitions they should be, or if it’s common – as here – to catch just the end of a previous scene before rolling into the one selected. In any event, whether by chance or by choice, this one works perfectly.

    We’re thrown halfway into a scene between returning champion Han Solo and his wayward son. All we get are the words “Dad?” and “I know.” Kylo Ren looks down at his laser sword, suddenly rendered a cheap toy with a battery line running down the side of it. He throws it into the sea. Solo is gone. Kylo looks downward. Wipe cut. This is so good that I cannot imagine it’ll be improved by whatever the first half of this scene is.

    Adam Driver is making Kylo Ren work as a character in this film by force of will alone, it seems, and his enthusiasm is contagious – Harrison Ford is not shy of half-assing an appearance in a legacy sequel by any means, but he’s good here. The urge to make Ford into a force ghost has been resisted with a level of aesthetic judgement not exercised anywhere else in the film. The setting is dramatic but understated, there’s water dripping off everything (except the ghost) and Kylo Ren looks distraught.

    This isn’t a writer’s film, surely due to the condensed production chaos resulting in a script that veers off in a new direction every five minutes. The big writing moments are perfunctory monologues delivered to paper over late transitions between scenes that no longer connect. Obviously this is a total mess. But it can throw up moments like this, where the inability of the characters to have meaningful lines becomes the inability of the characters to speak. It’s not very Star Wars – you couldn’t get this out of Mark Hamill in a month of Sundays, for one. But it’s really good.

    Of course though it’s superglued to a bunch of old tat. God knows where the story was meant to go from here originally but all we get are some flash cards: Sheev is on the phone to Richard E. Grant, he says “you come here, btw blow up whichever set we aren’t going back to”, we get the completed VFX work for the destruction of Planet Holiday Special and then we get Poe and the gang hearing about it on the radio. Surprise! Leia’s dead. Double surprise! Lando’s here to deliver her lines instead.

    Lando count: 5

    Next: A close-up of computer-generated monkey teeth.